Monthly Archives: May 2017

Agoraphobic Nomad | Goals & Mindset

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Goals & Mindset
I have found a huge obstacle to overcome when dealing with my own anxiety and agoraphobia, is trying to tackle the ‘problem’ or situation as a ‘whole’, for example, I want to be better ‘right now’ and go to the places I want to go at ‘this instant’ and do the things I want to immediately without any anxiety, or at least feel able to deal with the feelings and carry on regardless. Of course, this is most likely unrealistic and I haven’t found a magic wand to disappear the feelings of anxiety and panic as of yet! ?
I have noticed, in pretty much all areas of my life, I have wanted to achieve a goal immediately, however large the goal was. For example, when I was working as an electrician and had a house rewire to carry out, my mentality or approach would be to rewire the whole house. My goal was to rewire the whole house. This would actually be quite overwhelming, as it would take some time to achieve the goal, thus creating a feeling of non-achievement, for the days I hadn’t reached the goal of completing the house-rewire. This mentality was how I dealt with everything I did, learning songs/techniques for guitar, painting/drawing a picture and so on. I would always set myself up for an immense ‘mountain to climb’. Often, I could not even see the top of the mountain.
When having a goal which may only be achieved in the distant future, it seems to be less overwhelming to break the ‘big’ goal into smaller goals. For instance, when I was to rewire a house, it would have been more beneficial for me, to break the full house rewire into smaller goals, such as breaking the house down into daily achievable goals, for example, rewire kitchen, living-room, bedrooms and so on.
Breaking tasks down into smaller goals which are achievable in the moment has many positive effects, including a sense of achievement, increased motivation, decreased procrastination, elimination of feelings of overwhelm, satisfaction and so on.
You can break your goals into smaller and smaller goals if that is what is needed. I now know, I need (and needed) to break my goals down into smaller goals and will split a ‘big’ goal up into many, many smaller goals. I even approach chores as goals now and feel happy or satisfied when each small goal is completed. I also seem to get more done, instead of setting myself too large a goal, being overwhelmed leading to procrastination, lack of motivation, etc.
I have also applied this way of thinking to my anxiety condition and if I feel I have set up a goal which is too overwhelming, I will break it down into even smaller goals which are achievable. This seems to have a huge positive impact with maintaining positivity, achievement, confidence and so on. It is also good for your well-being to be mindful of your achievements, in whatever form they take, and give yourself praise after each goal is achieved.
This is such a simple change in mindset and for me has been invaluable to my sense of well-being and for years, I could not see the ‘wood for the trees’ with my previous way of approaching the way I went about situations relating to this post.
I’m still quite the procrastinator, but things are improving and am practicing and building on the small goals I have set myself, learning new and healthy patterns for well-being and recovery.
Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/agoraphobicnomad

(Written June 2015).




Agoraphobic Nomad | Walter the Pigeon, Fight or Flight & Desensitisation to Fear

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Walter the Pigeon, Fight or Flight & Desensitisation to Fear

Around a week ago, a pigeon landed in the back garden at the house where I live. The pigeon had an injured wing and was obviously in distress. I was in the garden at the time and was careful not to add to any more distress to which the pigeon was feeling. I went to go and get a handful of cornflakes to see that he had food. I walked slowly toward the pigeon, so as to drop the handful of cornflakes in front of him, so at least he would have something to eat. Even though I tried to be careful, not to make any sudden movements, the pigeon was very frightened and in a state of panic. He flapped his wings and ran into some ivy which was draping from the garden fence.

I made sure I kept my eye on the pigeon (who I named ‘Walter’), while he was in the garden, hoping he would make a full recovery. I looked on the internet to see if there were any animal/bird services who would maybe pick him up and take him into care, but the problem being, birds are very hard to catch, even if they are injured and are needing help. I decided to keep checking up on him while he rested in the garden, made sure he had food and to make sure he was safe.

Over the course of a few days, Walter was becoming less fearful, more used to me and it came to a point where he would no longer run away from me when I went to give him his cornflakes. He was still slightly on edge and cautious of me, but no longer as distressed as he was on the first day he flew into the garden. On the first day, I could see the ‘fight or flight’ mechanism in full operation, except poor Walter couldn’t fly with his injured wing and had to resort to running into the ivy and hiding amongst the leaves.

I could see, over the period of a few days, while I checked up on Walter, his fear of me was diminishing. I could see he was forming a new habit, or was learning through experience that I was not a threat to his existence. On the first day we met, I was an object of fear, but a few days in, I was transformed into being an object to be cautious about and not an object to cause Walter full scale panic. I noted, in a relatively short time period, the intense fear in Walter had diminished over a few days after being exposed to my presence at frequent intervals. I could see a desentisation to fear in progress, right in front of my eyes. Walter gave me confidence in my own ability to diminish my own sense of fear and high-anxiety triggered by certain situations through repeated exposure to the object/situation of fear.

After a few days, Walter’s wing had healed enough for him to fly and he flew off into the sunset to live his life again.

Life’s teachers can come from the most unexpected places, times and situations.

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agoraphobicnomad

(Written June 2015).




Agoraphobic Nomad | Positive Input

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Positive Input

Whether you are feeling low, unmotivated and sad, or in high spirits, motivated and happy, listening to music can be a good way to lift spirits or boost existing happiness and contentment.

I remember, when I was younger, I listened to quite a lot of ‘dark’ music and would play this music repetitively, thus creating a dark place in my mind. Conversely, listening to uplifting and positive music can lift the mood and make a person feel good.

It’s a lot easier, apparently, for a human-being to remember phrases if they sing them, rather than reading a phrase or talking a phrase. We probably all know this ourselves through experience. Marketers and advertisers know this, which is why we often see or hear many adverts on the TV and radio using medleys and sung catchphrases of their products to ‘get’ into our minds. For example, I, like many others, find the ‘Go Compare’ TV advert/commercial highly irritating with the operatic sung catchphrase of the company, but nevertheless, the advertisers have done their job very well as I will not forget who they are and what they do.

Knowing this and being aware of how music (and information) can affect our mind and well-being, we can choose what we wish to put into our minds. If we are aware of how our environment affects us at a subliminal level, we can choose what we want to be influenced by, whether that be negative or positive. For me, I prefer to choose the positive!

Here’s a song which lifts my spirits and feel free to add your own:

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agoraphobicnomad

(Written June 2015).




Agoraphobic Nomad | Personality

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Personality

It seems that people who experience, endure and develop anxiety conditions are very creative and imaginative. We can envisage scenarios, may enjoy writing, creating poetry, creating art, creating music and so on.

Being creative and imaginative has it’s ‘downside’, as we can also imagine and create dark, negative and scary scenarios in our heads. Coupled with a sensitivity, or even an over-sensitivity to our environment and our ‘inner-world’, the ‘dark side of creativity’ can and usually will produce feelings of fear, uncertainty and anxiety.

There seem to be so many traits which contribute to an individual’s personality and character and obviously everybody is unique and different. I have enjoyed taking personality tests over the years and have taken the Myers Briggs/Jung Personality type test. The test is a simple test and I have included the link to the test here. I view the test as just having a bit of fun, but also may reveal an insight to our own personality characteristics. Obviously, a human-being can not be measured by taking a short personality test, as we are far more complex than that. Nevertheless, the test may be fun, interesting and insightful.

http://similarminds.com/jung.html

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agoraphobicnomad 

(Written June 2015).




Agoraphobic Nomad | Codependency

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Codependency

In 2001, I visited a counselor to seek help for my increasing levels of anxiety, ‘panic attacks’ and onset of agoraphobia. Part of what she had noticed about me was my lack of assertiveness. Unwittingly, I was a ‘people-pleaser’ and found it difficult to say ‘no’ to others’ requests and demands due to not wanting to ‘let anybody down’ or upsetting them. I stayed in a job which I detested for 10 years, due to not wanting to upset my bosses and when I finally did leave to become self-employed, I found it hard to say ‘no’ to favours or extra jobs, when my work time was already filled up with existing jobs. Trying to fit all the extra favours and jobs into my full work timetable had a negative effect and would push me behind, timewise, with existing work, sometimes causing anger from clients. My ‘people-pleasing’ mentality also pervaded other areas of my life, including relationships.

However, since discovering my own assertiveness from an insight during counselling, I have now and again, slipped into ‘people-pleasing’ mode, at the expense of myself, creating negative effects. Also, after discovering and developing my own assertiveness, I would become aggressive in situations I perceived as unjust, or situations where I may feel I was being taken advantage of, or disrespected. It seemed, after knowing I could be assertive, I had switched from ‘people-pleaser’ to stubborn and aggressive, which also yielded a negative outcome. Years later, I was to learn the common term in psychology for ‘people-pleasing’ behaviours is called ‘codependency’ and maintaining a balance between self and others, is the way to move forward positively.

From what I have learned and talking with others who experience high levels of anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia, etc, there seems to be a ‘people-pleasing’ and codependent trait in the individual.

Here’s a link to more about codependency: http://www.dummies.com/…/codependency-for-dummies-cheat-she…

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agoraphobicnomad

(Written June 2015).




Agoraphobic Nomad | Emotional Resistance

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Emotional Resistance

One of the biggest obstacles I have faced since experiencing panic disorder and high-anxiety is ’emotional resistance’ to change. Over the course of time, I had/have developed unhealthy behaviours, such as using alcohol, procrastinating and not doing the things which would create positive change and positive behaviours. Of course, both positive and negative behaviours, once learned, turn into habitual behaviours. I have found my own emotional resistance has hindered me to recover and affects motivation to change and move forward. I have also found, when feeling emotional resistance and wanting to do what I need to do to improve is to push through the emotional resistance. At times, this may feel uncomfortable, but have found it to be very satisfying when ‘doing’ whatever is needed to be done for a healthier state of mind.

It has been easier for me to self-medicate with alcohol, instead of facing my fears, leaving things until ‘tomorrow’ which would benefit me if they were done today. ‘Tomorrow’, of course, never comes.

Here’s a link about ’emotional resistance’ which explains it better: http://www.motivatehealthyhabits.com/…/emotional_resistance…

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agoraphobicnomad

(Written June 2015).




Agoraphobic Nomad | Introduction

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Agoraphobic Nomad

I have experienced agoraphobia with panic disorder for around 14 years, after experiencing anxiety and panic episodes. In the past, I have used both healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with the condition, but mainly unhealthy and dysfunctional methods, such as using alcohol to block out the intense feelings of anxiety. I started to depend or self-medicate with alcohol to get out and about, more and more, but found myself in a situation where I was drinking far too much and too frequently.

I am now in the process of facing and dealing with my anxious feelings and fears without the aid of alcohol. I have sought help and support from therapists, and others who find themselves in a similar situation.

I will be starting a blog very shortly, documenting recovery, sharing positive and healthy advice, and I am also in the process of writing a book which will describe my experiences over the years, from childhood, until present. I hope to shed light on personality characteristics, experiences and more which may relate to people experiencing agoraphobia, panic disorder or similar, and to gain insight into the genesis and development of the condition.

(Written June 2015).

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agoraphobicnomad




Alien Abduction Experience #1

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Alien Abduction Experience #1

Universe

My first alien abduction experience happened around mid-October of 1986. I was 13 years old and walking home from the local village shop at around 7.00pm in the evening. It was dark and I remember the weather feeling a little cold with the air filled with a strange thick fog.

Halfway along the short journey home I was walking through a small park which contained a slide for children and a few apple trees scattered here and there. I could see the entrance to the estate where I lived about ten yards in front of me and could see a white light from a street light vaguely lighting some of the houses through the fog.

I was thinking of nothing in particular when suddenly an orb-shaped object appeared above me. The object seemed to be split into three sections and radiated three colours of red, white and green. The orb-shaped object seemed to pulsate and move up close to me and then away again very quickly in a sort of curious primitive way. I had a strange but familiar intuitive sense that the object was about the size of a football. I could also sense that how it appeared physically in size was an illusion and the object contained a world inside of itself which contradicted physical reality. What felt like my intuition was in fact a communication from the object relaying information about the object itself. I also had intuitions or communications from the object reassuring me that the object was safe and meant no harm to me.

I knew I could trust the object or at least it created a feeling in myself which felt I could trust the object. This relaying of information from ‘it’ to me happened in a very short period of time – faster than if anybody could explain this to me, or if a human was to speak the information to me. The next moment I find myself being pulled into the object and find myself in what I can only describe as an infinitely spaced room with no walls and standing on a very shiny black floor which felt as if it was a living entity in itself. I felt relatively calm and felt that I was in the company of some sort of benevolent entity or entities. I was, of course wondering what I was doing in such a place and thought that perhaps I was dreaming, but communications from the entity or my intuitions were telling me this experience was real.

I stood there for a few minutes and was curious to know what was going on. I could feel a slight anxious feeling developing, but again I was reassured that everything was ok. I knew at that moment these reassurances were coming from outside of myself rather than my own intuitions. With that, what I can only describe as an ethereal swirling fog made up of light entered my body through the top of my head and towards my feet, permeating my whole body. I could see and feel the light from this fog-light entity, not with my eyes, but with the touch senses in my body. It seemed to be performing some sort of cosmic quality-control, but that is too crude a description. The entity was still sending me communications and information, but I could only really make out the reassuring communications and everything else, I couldn’t understand at my human conscious level, although there was a feeling that I was understanding the communications at a deeper level perhaps.

The fog-light entity continued to carry out its check or whatever it was doing and this lasted for what seemed like ten minutes. It felt at times as if it was checking my conscious ability and it also felt as if the entity was scanning me for information for itself. I also felt as if I was somehow related to this entity and it was parenting me in some way, but not like the parenting we associate with our human parents. After the entity had finished its ‘checking’, it evacuated my body and I noticed I was looking at the smooth black floor where I was standing. I could actually see what looked like sea creatures swimming under the surface, but I knew this material was completely solid, but then I was measuring my observation and experience with my own Earth experience and on Earth, sea creatures swim in water which is liquid. It seems that in this world, dimension, or whatever you want to call it, creatures can move about in solid material as if it was a liquid.

I felt myself being pulled down into the shiny black floor and within a few seconds I found myself back in the park facing the estate where I was walking home before I was pulled into the orb-shaped object. I saw the object in the fog-filled air and it very quickly disappeared.

I walked slowly home thinking about what I had just experienced and wondered if it had been real. I wasn’t scared and my thoughts were mostly dominated by curiosity about what had happened. I felt as if the communications of reassurance had been a sort of anesthesia to halt any fearful feelings while inside the object and I was also left with the thought that I will be visited again by this entity. I wasn’t to know at this moment, but was to discover this entity would visit me many times again in the future. I will relay each experience in successive blogs.




Social Etiquette For The Uninitiated English Person(s) Visiting America

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Social Etiquette For The Uninitiated English Person(s) Visiting America.

Chicago 2007/2008.

1 – At the dining table.

For thousands of years, human beings have created and developed tools for the purpose of making their lives easier and more comfortable. The dining room is no exception and the human being has crafted wonderful instruments in which to transport it’s food into it’s mouth. Here in England, we have the knife and the fork to serve such purposes. Of course the knife and fork has served many a culture and society. In the USA, the knife and fork are presented as a decorative feature to the dining table and serve no purpose other than to be a mere jolly folly. After many years of social evolution, the American will use his or her hands to transport their food to their mouths. A fork may be used and is acceptable for the more complicated items which may be a little more difficult to transport to the mouth. The English person must be warned NOT to use a knife as this is deemed anti-social to the American at the dining table. If a knife is used to manage one’s food, a punishment may be handed out by the indigenous authorities. Up to one year in jail may be given to the person(s) who dare use a knife to cut and handle their food at the American dining table. Alongside the imprisonment, the person(s) will only be supplied and permitted to eat tomato soup from a bowl using only a fork during the allotted detainment. Be warned! DO NOT use a knife! Use just your hands and if necessary – just the fork.

2 – Safe pencil work.

If you are scribbling, sketching, writing or otherwise with a graphite or lead pencil and suddenly realise that you have made a mistake and do not have a device to clear the mistake, your only option may be to ask for such a device. Here in England, we call such a device a ‘rubber’. Under no circumstances ask your American friends, aquaintances, store assistants or otherwise for a ‘rubber’. A ‘rubber’ according to the American language means something utterly different to the rubber we would use here. Of course, some folk in England may use the word rubber to mean the same as it would to our American friends, but this is a very rare occurence. The American equivalent to ‘rubber’ is ‘eraser’, so ask for an eraser and ‘erase’ your mistakes. In America, you are much safer using an eraser rather than a rubber and one can avoid problems with impregnatng everybody’s mind with any confusion. While erasing your mistakes with your eraser, you could use such phrases as ‘I am erasing my mistake’ or ‘I have erased my mistake’ or simply say nothing at all and merriy erase your mistake while feeling happy and contented in the knowledge that you have made one small step to adapting to the American way of life. Remember, under no circumstances use the word ‘rubber’ when asking for an eraser – even if you have no lead in your pencil!

3 – Pets & Animals.

Most of us love animals or even own pets. If the English person wishes to communicate his or her affections about animals and pets to his or her American friends, please think carefully about how to approach this seemingly innocent situation. DO NOT ask to ‘stroke’ a pet or animal while talking with an American person. It will not do to ask an American if you can ‘stroke’ his or her pet. Replace the word ‘stroke’ with ‘pet’. In the USA you ‘pet’ pets, for example, you may say ‘I have petted your cat’ or ‘can I pet your snake?’. It would be socially unacceptable to ask an American ‘Can I stroke your snake?’. This would appear to be crude and very ill-mannered indeed. Some people in England refer to a cute cat as a ‘pussy’. DO NOT use this word in America and never, ever under any circumstance use the word ‘pussy’ and ‘stroke’ in the same sentence! Failure to do so could result in deportation from the country.

4 – Knowing your boundaries.

If one day you decide to go or stumble into a bar, club, pub or otherwise and happen to meet a complete and utter stranger or suddenly aquaint with somebody from out of the blue and they offer to buy you a drink or vice-versa – think about the possible consequences of such an action or behaviour. The unwise English person must tread very carefully or risk having half of his/her assets being vulnerable to possession. Before the unknowing English person has even left the bar, club, pub or otherwise, he or she may need to seek legal advice and a lawyer to start a divorce proceeding. Stop, look and listen! Legal aid can be very expensive, on top of the already exisiting risk of losing one’s possessions. It may be acceptable here in England to receive or buy a drink or even indulge in a round or two with a newly aquainted friend, but in America it is as good as saying ‘I do’ to a priest in a holy church. If you are already romantically involved with an American counterpart, be very, very aware of your behaviours and actions. Failure to do so may result in the English person being nulled of any further activity in bars, clubs, pubs or otherwise and the English person will be subjected to a gross disrespect from the whole of America after being named and shamed by Oprah Winfrey on her popular television chat show.

Remember, ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do’.

More to follow after I get out of jail, waited for access back to the USA after deportation, found a lawyer and sought legal advice and erased my sins in a foreign land.

Bon voyage!

(Written December 2007).




Recipes With Silik Hunt | Spicy Tomato Sauce

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Make your own spicy tomato sauce with Silik Hunt. This tomato sauce is sexy, silky and spicy – that’s right – sexy, silky and spicy!

Ingredients:
One tin of tomatoes 400g
One teaspoon of salt
Pepper to taste
Crushed chillies to taste
Oregano to taste
Basil to taste
One teaspoon of sugar
Four to five garlic cloves or to taste

Put the tinned tomatoes into your blender. Chop and crush your garlic and add all the ingredients to together into the blender, including salt, pepper, crushed chillis, oregano, basil and sugar, along with the tinned tomatoes and crushed garlic.

Simply blend the ingredients together to make this divinely tasting spicy tomato sauce.

Brought to you by Silik Hunt.

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